Being Present
Often, people come to sessions burdened by stress tied to the past or the future. Honestly, these imaginary spaces are where many of us get stuck—and they’re also what keep me busy and thriving in this work! But why do we stay so focused on the past? What benefits does it serve us? And, most importantly, how can we begin to shift this way of thinking?
When we focus on the past, it’s often because we believe—on some level—that we can rewrite a painful interaction or situation. Our brains are hardwired for safety, and when something traumatic or deeply unpleasant happens, they go into overdrive, saying, “That was awful! Let’s make sure that never happens again. I’ll protect you!”
From that moment on, the brain becomes hypervigilant, spinning narratives and revisiting the past as if there’s a solution waiting to be uncovered. This overthinking makes us feel like we’re problem-solving when, in reality, we’re just stuck. This isn’t to dismiss anyone’s pain or trauma. Processing those experiences is vital. But it’s equally important to recognize that thoughts rooted in the past are just that—thoughts. You can’t physically go back there.
The past is simply a thought you create.
Now let’s talk about the future. Our brains approach it in much the same way, driven by the instinct to keep us safe. When we imagine what might happen, especially in scenarios we can’t control, our brains can spiral into hypervigilance, trying to preemptively prepare for trauma. This is anxiety: fear of the unknown.
We create elaborate scenarios of what will happen—often dark, catastrophic, and completely made up. Unless you’ve invented a time machine, you have no way of knowing the future. Those fears and worries? They’re just thoughts.
The future is also a thought you create.
So, how do we change this way of thinking that keeps either stuck in the past or present?
The Work
Stop, Calm, Think
The first step is to ground yourself in the present moment. Anxiety, fear, or depression often tricks us into thinking we need to “figure everything out” right away. This instinct stems from our brain’s primary purpose: keeping us alive. In our evolutionary past, detecting threats—like hearing a rustle in the dark—helped ensure survival. Today, those survival mechanisms haven’t disappeared, but the “lions” have changed. Now, they take the form of social media, bills, relationships, and insecurities.
Grounding ourselves helps calm this overactive response and allows us to focus on what truly matters.
Breathe
One of the simplest and most effective ways to return to the present is through your breath. It’s something we all have access to at any moment.
1. Find a quiet space if possible.
2. Gently close your eyes and turn your attention to your breathing.
3. Inhale deeply through your nose for about 5 seconds—you should be able to hear the air flowing in.
4. Exhale slowly for 7 seconds or longer. Letting out more air than you take in encourages release and relaxation.
Repeat this cycle for at least 2 minutes, and feel free to go longer if you can. Each breath helps you let go of tension and brings you closer to calm.
Look Around
Once you’ve centered yourself with your breath, use your senses to anchor further into the moment. Take a look around you. What do you see? What do you hear? How does the air feel on your skin or the chair beneath you?
Congratulations—you’ve just practiced mindfulness. You’ve grounded yourself in the present, letting go of the chaos in your mind. Well done!
Resources
The Power of Now by Echart Tolle : Fantastic book from such a calming author. Mr. Tolle has spent most of his life focused on helping others unlock to beauty of Now.
You Are Here by Thich Nhat Hanh: Thich (teacher) is one of my spiritual teachers who has spent his entire life helping others reduce their suffering.
