Processing a Break Up!
Accept that you’re going to feel a profound sense of loss. It’s going to hurt—deeply. The urge to reach out will feel almost unbearable at times. You may struggle to sleep, lose your appetite, and find yourself obsessing over what went wrong. This is normal. It means you’re human, and you’re alive. But here’s the most important thing to know: it won’t always feel this awful. This is the hardest part, and it will get better—I promise. Below are reminders and steps to guide you through.
1. No Contact Is Non-Negotiable
Do not call, text, or message them. Do not “accidentally” run into them at places they frequent. Avoid their social media entirely, and don’t post anything aimed at them. If there are no children involved, delete all methods of communication—yes, all of them. Block numbers, unfollow accounts, and remove apps if you have to. Let the breakup happen without interference.
2. Adopt the Stoic Principle of “Let Them”
“Let them” means accepting their decision without resistance. You don’t beg, bargain, or try to prove your worth. You don’t try to convince them to change their mind. Let them leave. It’s one of the hardest but most empowering things you can do. Mel Robbins talks about this concept in her work—look it up if you need inspiration.
3. Create Space to Heal
Ask a trusted friend or family member to help you remove photos, messages, or reminders from your phone. They can archive them in a folder you can’t access or delete them entirely. It may feel impossible, but clinging to breadcrumbs will only prolong your pain.
4. Understand the Withdrawal
That crushing unease you’re feeling? It’s not love. It’s your body going through withdrawal. When you were with them, your brain was flooded with serotonin and dopamine—happy chemicals tied to familiarity and connection. Those “butterflies” you felt? That was chemistry, not destiny. Now, your system is in detox, craving a “hit” (like reaching out to them). Resist.
Detox is temporary. It feels unbearable right now, but it’s just your body adjusting to a new normal. Trust that you’ll come out stronger on the other side.
When you feel the urge to reach out, grab a journal instead. Don’t worry about grammar, punctuation, or whether it makes sense—just let your thoughts flow freely onto the page. Writing things down is a powerful way to release emotions, ease overthinking, and give yourself clarity. It’s a small, tangible action that makes a big difference. If you’re not sure where to start, here’s a great journal to try!
6. Focus on Self-Love
It’s okay to feel awful right now, but this is the perfect time to start prioritizing self-love. In its simplest form, self-love means taking care of yourself: move your body every day, get quality sleep by disconnecting from electronics, write in your journal regularly, take a refreshing shower each day, and reach out to people who care about you. These small acts build a foundation of self-respect and nurture your healing process.
7. Lean on the People Who Love You
Reach out to supportive friends, family, or others in your community who know and care about you. They can remind you of how amazing you are and help you feel less alone. To avoid overwhelming any one person, try rotating who you talk to—this keeps your support system balanced and gives you a variety of perspectives to lean on.
This is your time to reclaim yourself. You’ve got this.
If you are struggling and need support, please reach out to me and I can help connect you to my services or others that may be a better match for you.
